5 Ways to Calm Yourself Down When You’re Dysregulated
Book Recommendation: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
We’ve all been there…something triggers us and suddenly we’re spiraling. Our heart races, our thoughts spin, and we can’t seem to calm down. That, my friends, is dysregulation.
When we’re dysregulated, our nervous system is sending out an alarm. Our body flips into survival mode: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn and it becomes really hard to get back to a calm, grounded state.
Let’s talk about what dysregulation looks like, why it happens, and a few simple ways to help your nervous system reset.
What being dysregulated Feels Like
When you’re experiencing dysregulation, your nervous system is on high alert. Your heart rate increases, your breathing changes, and everything feels like it needs your attention right now.
Here are a few signs you might be experiencing dysregulation:
Everything feels urgent
You wake up already anxious or stressed
Your energy is low or unpredictable
Your sleep feels off
You can’t focus or concentrate
You overreact or shut down easily
You feel out of control or disconnected
The good news? Dysregulation doesn’t have to take over. You can teach your body to come back to center with a few simple grounding tools.
1. Shake It Out
It might sound silly, but movement works wonders. Picture a wet dog shaking off water, now try doing that with your own body. Shake out your arms, legs, and hands.
When we use somatic (body-based) movements, we help our nervous system release built-up energy and return to equilibrium. Try it five times and see how your body feels afterward.
2. The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique
When you feel caught in dysregulation, use your five senses to come back to the present moment:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can feel
2 things you can hear
1 thing you can taste
This quick grounding practice helps slow racing thoughts and brings your awareness back to now, where your body can finally start to relax.
3. Use Temperature
Cold temperatures can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, the part of your body responsible for calming things down.
You can:
Splash cold water on your face
Drink ice-cold water
Hold an ice pack on your wrists or neck
Or dip your face into a bowl of cold water (yes, really!)
Cold triggers your vagus nerve, which helps signal your body that it’s safe to relax.
4. Use Touch
Touch is one of the most powerful regulators we have. Ask someone you trust for a long, grounding hug, or if you’d rather not be touched, use a weighted blanket for that gentle “held” feeling.
Physical pressure and touch help calm the nervous system, slow your breathing, and make your body feel safe again.
5. Get Outside
Nature has a natural grounding effect on our bodies. Go for a slow walk or run, dip your toes in the sand or water, or just stand barefoot in the grass for a few minutes.
The sunshine, breeze, and smells of the outdoors can help regulate your nervous system and ease dysregulation more than you might expect.
Give Yourself Grace
Dysregulation happens to all of us, it’s part of being human. The goal isn’t to avoid it entirely, but to recognize it when it happens and know how to support yourself through it.
The more you practice regulation techniques, the more natural they’ll become. And if you need extra support, reaching out to a therapist or coach can be a great next step toward balance and healing.
